You might be thinking that this is a really strange topic to write about, especially for my first blog post. Yet, it is very relevant during the current pandemic situation, where lots of people lack social interaction. Everyone likes having friends, making friends, interacting with friends, etc - including myself. What do I mean when I say friends are unnecessary? We will explore the answer to this question in this blog post.
Let us begin with a somewhat famous quote, by C.S Lewis (1960) from The Four Loves:
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.
The entire quote is controversial, but I think we can agree that friendship has very little survival value, if at all. What is meant by survival value here though? Let us contemplate on this quote from a different perspective. Do we need friends to survive? What value do our friendships give us? Are we afraid to lose friends? If you have not read The Four Loves, I definitely recommend it, as it talks about the different kinds of love; affection, friendship, erotic, and love of God. The last type of love may not matter to some of you if you are not religious, but it is still worth reading.
Firstly, let us define what constitutes being a friend. I have asked many people how they would define friendship, and every time the answer has been different. Some people have said that it is a connection between two parties. Some others have said that friends are two people that enjoy the company of each other. I have also heard that friendships are a source of happiness. So, what is my definition? Friendship, to me, is the emotional and mutual connection between two parties, based on loyalty, trust, and resourcefulness.
To answer the questions above; I do not think we need friends to survive, our friendships can give us a lot of value - to life, to others and to ourselves, and I would hope that we are afraid to lose friends. If there is value within a friendship, it should be preserved, but losing a friend is not a big deal too. It means there was an underlying issue. The issue could have ranged from difference of opinion(s) to conflict regarding core/fundamental values.
Why is losing a friend not a big deal? There needs to be an important distinction between family and friends. The two are not equal, because one type of relationship is based on family infrastructure, and the other is based on common interest. Regardless, when we lose a friend, we need to realise that people come and go. While it may be nice to have strong social relationships, it does not need to be factor of our happiness, and ultimately, it is not necessary for survival. The reality is that, although people cannot be replaced, the roles of people within our friendships can be replaced.
I think there is a negative connotation attached with being alone. If you have a lot of friends, you are automatically considered successful, to an extent. I disagree with this. We have introverted people, and we have extroverted people. The former are people who gain energy from being alone, whereas the latter are people who gain energy from being around other people. We also have the term ambivert; people that gain energy from being alone, and from being around other people. It is important to understand that one type is not better than the other. Both of these are acceptable and valid.
As people, we need to be effective at social interaction, but the idea of friendships should not block you from maintaining or seeking your own happiness. We talk to people to accomplish tasks, we talk to people for advice, help, support, etc, and we talk to people for getting things, in general. We need to make sure we are comfortable with social interaction as well as being alone. There are situations which warrant either of these traits, and the only way we can move forward is by accepting the fact that friendships are not necessary. The concept I am referring to is known as Radical Acceptance - I may or may not discuss this in a future blog post, so do check it out whenever you get the chance to.
Another thing I would like to highlight is the importance of mental health and well-being. Once we learn to understand that friendships are not a means to our survival, or our peace, then we will begin to appreciate the true friendship we do have. So, while they may not be necessary, it is still healthy to interact with friends on a regular basis, if not daily, to maintain the aspect of caring, loving, and showing appreciation for each other. For me, the primary purpose of life is to serve humanity - we all coexist with each other, so why not be helpful and kind to each other?